Santa Traps

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santa traps

In a sketch cut for time on SNL Martin Freeman plays Michael Braslow, a man all too interested in catching Santa. What would one even do if they caught Santa? Would you fly on his sleigh? Visit the North Pole, or use Santa’s magic to give yourself awesome gifts? Michael Braslow wants to do none of these things, he has tastier ideas.

Hit the jump for traps

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Weird Holiday Traditions From Around the World

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weird holiday traditions

At the beginning of the year I set the personal goal of learning 1 thing. Pretty sweet idea right? I’m a total go-getter. Just in time for me to hit that goal BuzzFeed brings us “Weird Holiday Traditions Around The World”. El Caganer is a little statue of a man taking a shit that goes in nativity scenes, and Tio de nadal  which is a log you dress up and beat till it poops presents.

Hit the jump for holiday weird

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Dragon Sex Calendar, You’re Welcome

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So I hope at this point in our relationship you’ve grown accustomed to what I’m about.  Weird shit on the internet.  The internet’s oddities run near and far, and the latest idea to come off the conveyor belt of What The Fuck is the Dragon Sex Calendar.  This calendar is a 13 month calendar which shows two dragons each month doing the dirty deed. I’m not a Master Dragon Sex Expert ( only have my Bachelor’s Degree in it so far, but we’ll see how my dissertation goes this spring, Fingers Crossed!) but most of the positions just look straight up uncomfortable.  Plus, I imagine that dragon genitals are a helluva lot different from human genitals, so most of the positions wouldn’t even work.   I mean if ducks can get corkscrew like penises and maze like vaginas, I feel like dragons should get 5 headed swiss army dicks and a funhouse like vagina with that mirror room that you can’t ever get out and have to cry and cry and cry until my mom has to come and pick you up at the fair last year.  Anywho……here are the pictures I know you’ve been waiting for. You’re welcome.

Hit the jump for some steamy dragon BDSM.

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A Human Centipede Christmas

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xmas centipede

Christmas is a great time of year, but parts of it can be a little stale. What I’m talking about is the holiday music, it just hasn’t changed much over the years. Don’t get me wrong there is some great Christmas music that I’ll enjoy forever, but it’s also nice to hear some new Christmas music from time to time. Kirby Krackle is exactly the man to bring us this new music, I know the movie may have grossed you out, but the song will make you smile. I promise.

Hit the jump for the song

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Guess the Country: Erotic Carp Calendar

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Here is a new game I’m going to play periodically called “Guess the Country”.  I’ll bring up a few clues as to what the country did/some hints about the country to help guide you then you try to guess it correctly and if you do, you get a pat on the back. Deal? Deal.

This Country just put out a calendar that features naked (or almost naked) girls holding live carp.

This Country is known for a lot of weird stuff over the years (especially in regards to sexual stuff, i.e. porn and whatnot {not that I’d know…..})

This Country was an enemy of the US in the WWII.

Can you guess the country that put this calendar out?

Hit the jump for the answer.

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Awkward Auntie Kisses

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auntie kisses

The holidays are great for getting together to reminisce or make new memories with friends and family. Above Average brings us “Awkward Auntie Kisses” where brother and sister talk about which aunt gives the more frequent and unnecessary kisses. Well hey that’s cute and all, but I’ll take your two aunts and raise you one Uncle Larry. Awkward uncle kisses trump aunt kisses everyday of the week, hands down. Shit needs to stop Larry!

Hit the jump for kisses

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Weekly Wrap 12/5/14

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0000 It seems Classy Dicks has a slight poo fetish this week. Guidelines on how to poo at work, ripping on poor santa and his lactose deficiency. What’s next? how to remove the poo after a pull out? Gross, I will never understand the poo fetish, unlike these two… Maybe I’m just old and bitter…

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