Dragon Sex Calendar, You’re Welcome

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So I hope at this point in our relationship you’ve grown accustomed to what I’m about.  Weird shit on the internet.  The internet’s oddities run near and far, and the latest idea to come off the conveyor belt of What The Fuck is the Dragon Sex Calendar.  This calendar is a 13 month calendar which shows two dragons each month doing the dirty deed. I’m not a Master Dragon Sex Expert ( only have my Bachelor’s Degree in it so far, but we’ll see how my dissertation goes this spring, Fingers Crossed!) but most of the positions just look straight up uncomfortable.  Plus, I imagine that dragon genitals are a helluva lot different from human genitals, so most of the positions wouldn’t even work.   I mean if ducks can get corkscrew like penises and maze like vaginas, I feel like dragons should get 5 headed swiss army dicks and a funhouse like vagina with that mirror room that you can’t ever get out and have to cry and cry and cry until my mom has to come and pick you up at the fair last year.  Anywho……here are the pictures I know you’ve been waiting for. You’re welcome.

Hit the jump for some steamy dragon BDSM.

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A Human Centipede Christmas

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xmas centipede

Christmas is a great time of year, but parts of it can be a little stale. What I’m talking about is the holiday music, it just hasn’t changed much over the years. Don’t get me wrong there is some great Christmas music that I’ll enjoy forever, but it’s also nice to hear some new Christmas music from time to time. Kirby Krackle is exactly the man to bring us this new music, I know the movie may have grossed you out, but the song will make you smile. I promise.

Hit the jump for the song

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Guess the Country: Erotic Carp Calendar

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Here is a new game I’m going to play periodically called “Guess the Country”.  I’ll bring up a few clues as to what the country did/some hints about the country to help guide you then you try to guess it correctly and if you do, you get a pat on the back. Deal? Deal.

This Country just put out a calendar that features naked (or almost naked) girls holding live carp.

This Country is known for a lot of weird stuff over the years (especially in regards to sexual stuff, i.e. porn and whatnot {not that I’d know…..})

This Country was an enemy of the US in the WWII.

Can you guess the country that put this calendar out?

Hit the jump for the answer.

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Awkward Auntie Kisses

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auntie kisses

The holidays are great for getting together to reminisce or make new memories with friends and family. Above Average brings us “Awkward Auntie Kisses” where brother and sister talk about which aunt gives the more frequent and unnecessary kisses. Well hey that’s cute and all, but I’ll take your two aunts and raise you one Uncle Larry. Awkward uncle kisses trump aunt kisses everyday of the week, hands down. Shit needs to stop Larry!

Hit the jump for kisses

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Weekly Wrap 12/5/14

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0000 It seems Classy Dicks has a slight poo fetish this week. Guidelines on how to poo at work, ripping on poor santa and his lactose deficiency. What’s next? how to remove the poo after a pull out? Gross, I will never understand the poo fetish, unlike these two… Maybe I’m just old and bitter…

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Even Santa Poops

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poopurri

Here we have a Christmas themed commercial for PooPourri, a bathroom product you spray in your toilet to prevent smells from getting out. Three children stumble upon Santa taking a shit in their home and offer him the product, because Santa is awfully smelly and also lactose intolerant I’m guessing. My only issue with this whole thing, is Santa shits with the door open? pretty inexcusable since you’re in the kid/gifting business. Total creepster move Santa, shut the door!

Hit the jump for Xmas poo

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Presidents as Pokemon: Great Alternative History or Greatest Alternative History

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“George Warshingtortle could shoot bubbles out of his mouth and extinguish fires from a great distance with no risk to anyone else”

“Charmandrew Jackson was almost assassinated by someone’s cunning plan to pour water over his tail fire”

“Thomeowth Jefferson helped raise the wealth of the United States by being a cat who can literally materialize coins from nowhere to use as weapons”

If these facts seem too good to be true, it’s because they are.  These facts would be true if Pokemon were a) real and b) past presidents of the United States.  While Doc Brown continues to work on building a flux capacitor, and Pokemon continue to force their way slowly into our society through the process of evolution, we will just have to sit back and deal with the boring hand of history we were dealt.  Human presidents whose ability to say more than just their name has lead this country to what it is today, instead of The United States of Wartortlepickachucharizardcaterpie.

Hit the jump for some classy presidential pokemon

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