Pooping at Work, For the People in Big Companies

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pooping at work

Now listen.  Everyone I know has their own ritual and philosophy for pooping outside of their house, where the home bowl advantage isn’t a factor.  Some people follow the little tips and tricks that the video gives, while others will forgo pooping outside of their house and just save it for one glorious porcelain relaxation session when they get home.  However, what this video doesn’t get into is the harrowing effects of working at a small company and having to use the bathroom.  That’s the horror I live everyday, and I’m here to drop some knowledge on you.

1) There is only a one person bathroom and it is right near other peoples office.  If you make any noise louder than a peep you just have to assume they heard everything……everything.  It’s a small room filled with tiles and not much acoustic dampening.  Don’t expect any applause for your porcelain concerto when you get out.  More likely than not, you’ll be avoiding eye contact with people in those offices and taking a walk of shame back to your cube.

2) Similarly, since it’s only a one person bathroom, people can usually dedeuce (GET IT, GET IT??) who’s in there if they have to go and door is locked.  So just like before, when you leave your unspeakable stink in the room, people are gonna know who did it.  Judgment galore!

3) The one benefit though, is if you know the people you work with well enough, you can go in there and just carpet bomb the toilet like you’re looking for oil. Because at the end of the day they may give you flak for it, but you’ll have left that bathroom knowing someone has to go into that bathroom after you, god bless his/her soul, and there is not a stinkier revenge than that.

Hit the jump for Pooping Pro Tips!

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Flirtmoji’s, Sexting Redefined

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flirtmoji

In the fast paceed world of today, it’s no wonder the phone sex sessions of yesteryear have fallen to the wayside.  To the horny individual on the go, sexting has become a huge way to show your significant other or bootycall just exactly what you want, without having to use any words!  However, what happens if those emojis get misconstrued?? I mean The English Guard and an Airplane? Does she want to elope in England? Does she want to do some English Roleplay?  Does she want you to give her a British Airliner (not recommended for amateurs in the bedroom)?  Well Flirtmoji’s are here to clear up any confusion that may arise.  Want to try some bondage? Boom, fuzzy handcuffs and a leather strapped suit.   Just some regular P in V? There’s about 30 different dick icons to use.  Want a gerbil in ya bum?  Bingo Bango, Gerbil in a condom emoji.  Apparently there’s some free ones, some paid one.  But whatever you choose to get, just let it be known you’ll be making your point clear to anyone and everyone.

Hit the jump for a few more flirtmojis you want to see and even more you don’t.

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Ferret Fail

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ferret fail

It sucks being an animal this day and age.  Every owner has a smart phone, and each one of those smart phones is equipped with a video camera that will inevitably catch you doing something stupid.  This is a phenomena mainly noticed with cats and dogs.  But now ferrets are getting into the game and I’m sure they’re upset about it.  I mean watching this video it almost seemed like this ferret didn’t even want to jump! Hell half way through he runs away from the ledge and curls up into a ball where he looks super comfortable.  But his owner eggs him on, and lo and behold he ends up borking the jump badly.  Ferret, in the immortal words of Linkin Park, You tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.  And don’t get me started on the guy.  Egging on a poor ferret, that god awful laugh of his at the end.  It’s almost like he made a 30 second long “please hate me” video.

Hit the jump to see a poor poor ferret fail

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Let’s Play : Price is Right

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price is right

Corey is a simple man. He likes his beer cold, he likes his girls hot, but unlike most of the common folk, Corey has never seen a hammock in his life.  It seems as though to Corey, hammocks are made of a space age polymer stretched between a carbon fiber piece of metal.  Because there is no way in hell a hammock would ever cost more than a few hundred dollars unless it came with a free hooker for a day to have hammock sexy times with.  And admittedly I’m not one to every enjoy comments from the peanut gallery, but in this video is works.  Corey, What the fuck?? I mean seriously…..

Hit the jump for awful Price Is Right playing

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Sailors in Your Mouth

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the national sailors in your mouth

Ok this is the last Thanksgiving post I promise. Unless I find another one I really like! The National, which is an excellent band, brings us “Sailors in Your Mouth” featuring the Bob’s Burgers cast. I never would have thought the combination of these two would be so amazing, but that’s why I just look for awesome stuff on the interwebs instead of creating it. I suck! Happy belated Thanksgiving!

Hit the jump sailor

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