The Worst 2 Minutes and 6 Seconds of All Time

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0

meow mix country

I’m sorry to release it upon you guys but here it is, the worst 2 minutes and 6 seconds of possibly all time. Now I, like most people, appreciate the musical journey of a guy who is pretty obviously going to fuck his cat tonight. But there in lies the issue. It’s a country song, about a cat (technically about feeding a cat, but that’s semantics). Here at Classy Dicks (and around the world) it is pretty universally understood that cats and Country music are in the bottom .00001% of all things, so combining them can only bring about an evil greater than the sum of its part. My advice, watch this video muted and be awed by the love story of crazy cat man and his pussy.

Meow music after the Jump

Details

The Torture Device of Every Man’s Dreams!

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0

the handi

Well this is it folks, someone has finally brought to life what every male who grew up in the 80’s has dreamed of. Now we can finally know what it’s like to jerk off with a Power Glove! Enter the Handie, a tool straight from Satan’s tool bench to what I can only assume is to mangle your dick in new and marvelous ways. It may trick you into thinking that everything is okay given its hand gesture, but let me assure you, Things are not. To start off, it looks like you’re putting your dick into a cigar cutter, which I’m sure will only alleviate any worries that the Handie is a do-it-yourself Lorena Bobbit kit. Secondly, Self Lubrication System. Let that sink in for a second. Just the sound of it makes me shudder. And lastly, it has a catcher for that fresh batch of shame you just whipped up. So instead of sending your future children into a tissue to throw away, you’re left cleaning it out of the Handie in a regretful fashion.

So long story short, if you want to jerk it but want it to be different, stick with the stranger and save yourself $50.

I’ll lend you a hand after the jump.

Details

Some Kind Of Toy Story

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0

he man lion o snl

Chris Pratt was the host of SNL this passed weekend and they could not have gotten a better person for the job. I love this guy going back to Parks and Rec. This has to be one of the funniest skits in recent memory on the show. Young boy with no friends makes the ultimate birthday wish by asking for his toys to come alive, and as you would expect everything went along just fine afterwards.

Hit the jump for toys should stay toys

Details

The Simpsons Springfield At Night

Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0

simpsons-at-night-6

This is a series by artist Tim Doyle where he recreates Springfield locales from The Simpsons as one would eerily see them at night. I love Tim’s art style here, and could see myself really enjoying some sort of animated project of the same style. The Simpsons may have gotten long in the tooth for some quite a while ago, but if they can keep inspiring talented people like Mr. Doyle, keep em around a bit longer.

Hit the jump for 5 more

Details