James Kelly – Burn It Down

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Pro longboarder James Kelly is absolutely flying down these cliff side roads for Arbor Skateboards new promo video. This shit is terrifying, and i couldn’t stop watching it. No one should be skating down these roads at these speeds, James Kelly has a lot of skill and ton of balls to do this. Music: “Jim” by Swans.

Hit the jump to burn

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The Torture Device of Every Man’s Dreams!

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Well this is it folks, someone has finally brought to life what every male who grew up in the 80’s has dreamed of. Now we can finally know what it’s like to jerk off with a Power Glove! Enter the Handie, a tool straight from Satan’s tool bench to what I can only assume is to mangle your dick in new and marvelous ways. It may trick you into thinking that everything is okay given its hand gesture, but let me assure you, Things are not. To start off, it looks like you’re putting your dick into a cigar cutter, which I’m sure will only alleviate any worries that the Handie is a do-it-yourself Lorena Bobbit kit. Secondly, Self Lubrication System. Let that sink in for a second. Just the sound of it makes me shudder. And lastly, it has a catcher for that fresh batch of shame you just whipped up. So instead of sending your future children into a tissue to throw away, you’re left cleaning it out of the Handie in a regretful fashion.

So long story short, if you want to jerk it but want it to be different, stick with the stranger and save yourself $50.

I’ll lend you a hand after the jump.

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‘Bust’d’, Pop Culture Character Busts

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‘Bust’d’ is a solo art show by artist Tom Whalen at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles. The inspiration of the art come from movies, television, comics, and video games. The show will open on Friday, October 3rd, 2014 and be on display until the end of the month. If you are in Los Angeles do yourself a favor and go see it.

Hit the jump for bust’d

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Thug Kitchen – Eat Like You Give A F*ck

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The Thug Kitchen Blog has a new cookbook coming out this month and you don’t want to miss it. So if you don’t want to keep eating like an asshole, then maybe think about picking it up. Let’s be honest here because at Classy Dicks we pride ourselves on it. A lot of you are eating like assholes, so get thug in the kitchen, watch this trailer and be amazed.

Hit the jump for the video

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Enhance Your Lighting by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

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Love them or hate them, but there is no denying Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have a lot of talent. As directors of this GE commercial for new light bulbs it’s on full display. I get a full range from the stuff these 2 produce, from laugh out loud funny to completely disgusted. This GE commercial is amazing, bring on more Tim and Eric. Also Jeff Goldblum.

Hit the jump to get lit

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That Escalated Quickly…

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Enter: Albert the Squirrel. In this short story, “The Missing Scarf”, Albert the Squirrel must find, you guessed it, his missing scarf. Through his travels, however, it seems he’s not the only one with a problem. Written, directed and animated by Eoin Duffy and narrated by the great George Takei, we give you: “The Missing Scarf”.

Hit the jump to feel the feels.

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Some Kind Of Toy Story

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Chris Pratt was the host of SNL this passed weekend and they could not have gotten a better person for the job. I love this guy going back to Parks and Rec. This has to be one of the funniest skits in recent memory on the show. Young boy with no friends makes the ultimate birthday wish by asking for his toys to come alive, and as you would expect everything went along just fine afterwards.

Hit the jump for toys should stay toys

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Gotta Shame ’em All!

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Having a dog is sometimes hard. Having a dog that breathes fire is a whole other story. How do you discipline something that can black out a major city or upset the balance of the universe? Pokéshaming of course!

Hit jump to see the shame!

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The Simpsons Springfield At Night

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This is a series by artist Tim Doyle where he recreates Springfield locales from The Simpsons as one would eerily see them at night. I love Tim’s art style here, and could see myself really enjoying some sort of animated project of the same style. The Simpsons may have gotten long in the tooth for some quite a while ago, but if they can keep inspiring talented people like Mr. Doyle, keep em around a bit longer.

Hit the jump for 5 more

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Dr. Who with a Tim Burton Twist?

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I’ve always enjoyed the art style of good ol’ Tim Burton, but what happens when the macabre charm spills into one of my favorite series Dr.Who? Check out these portraits made real by Michael Kenny!

Hit the jump for Dr. Burton

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Condoms: Not Just For Your Dick Anymore

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The Far East is on a damn roll this month!  First, a tripped out animated music videos from South Korea. Now, the Japanese putting out a cookbook on how to cook with condoms.  I can’t read Japanese so I can’t be sure, but I don’t think they actually EAT the condoms in the end, just use them like a spermicidal flavored quesadilla or burrito wrap to hold the food in.  It was conceived as a way to make the population more aware of prophylactics, to prevent the spread of STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.  Let me tell you something though, if you start using this cookbook and making these meals for your dates you will start buying condoms and having them in your possession, which will hopefully lead to safe sex! The bad news: Any self respecting person who sees their date cooking with condoms is going to get so far out of Dodge they’re going to have one of those cartoon dust trails behind them.

No Sex = No STD’s  or Unwanted Pregnancies

So I guess you win Japan?

Hit the jump for some delicious entrees

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Those Krazy Koreans Are At It Again

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Ever since the Koreans started animating the news, there’s not doubt that they have been a powerhouse in the ridiculous animation department. Now they are stepping up their music video game and let me tell you, it’s stupidly brilliant. When we were young we all did the impressions of Native Americans, putting our hands in front of mouth and taking them away to make a sort of “OoOoOoOo” sound. Well South Korea just one upped us on this and made a fucking song out of it. And they complimented it with a crazy as balls video as well. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self that if I could change the tone a few times and record myself I would be well on my way to being internet famous in the future, you could be damn sure I would do it.

Hit the Jump to be mind fucked.

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