Drunk Aquaman

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The best Aquaman is drunk Aquaman, period. I get the fact that he has legitimate super powers, but no one cares because they are the lamest of the bunch. I hope the Justice League movie follows in the footsteps of this sketch from UCBcomedy and comedian Alan Starzinski. Keep Aquaman sauced and I’ll keep smiling.

Hit the jump ya drunk

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Even Santa Poops

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Here we have a Christmas themed commercial for PooPourri, a bathroom product you spray in your toilet to prevent smells from getting out. Three children stumble upon Santa taking a shit in their home and offer him the product, because Santa is awfully smelly and also lactose intolerant I’m guessing. My only issue with this whole thing, is Santa shits with the door open? pretty inexcusable since you’re in the kid/gifting business. Total creepster move Santa, shut the door!

Hit the jump for Xmas poo

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Presidents as Pokemon: Great Alternative History or Greatest Alternative History

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“George Warshingtortle could shoot bubbles out of his mouth and extinguish fires from a great distance with no risk to anyone else”

“Charmandrew Jackson was almost assassinated by someone’s cunning plan to pour water over his tail fire”

“Thomeowth Jefferson helped raise the wealth of the United States by being a cat who can literally materialize coins from nowhere to use as weapons”

If these facts seem too good to be true, it’s because they are.  These facts would be true if Pokemon were a) real and b) past presidents of the United States.  While Doc Brown continues to work on building a flux capacitor, and Pokemon continue to force their way slowly into our society through the process of evolution, we will just have to sit back and deal with the boring hand of history we were dealt.  Human presidents whose ability to say more than just their name has lead this country to what it is today, instead of The United States of Wartortlepickachucharizardcaterpie.

Hit the jump for some classy presidential pokemon

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Damo and Darren – ‘Train Station’

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Melbourne based animator Michael Cusack brings us Damo and Darren in ‘Train Station’. The animated short gives us a peak at bogans or train rats as I’m told they are called, which are essentially what we might call hillbilly/white trash here in America. I’ve done some reading on this subject and people seem to be split on whether this video accurately depicts bogans and trailer rats. My only personal connections to Australia have been Mel Gibson and Paul Hogan , so I’m really hoping this is true to life because I want to watch and enjoy this. I just never want to live next door to it.

Hit the jump bogan

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Pooping at Work, For the People in Big Companies

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Now listen.  Everyone I know has their own ritual and philosophy for pooping outside of their house, where the home bowl advantage isn’t a factor.  Some people follow the little tips and tricks that the video gives, while others will forgo pooping outside of their house and just save it for one glorious porcelain relaxation session when they get home.  However, what this video doesn’t get into is the harrowing effects of working at a small company and having to use the bathroom.  That’s the horror I live everyday, and I’m here to drop some knowledge on you.

1) There is only a one person bathroom and it is right near other peoples office.  If you make any noise louder than a peep you just have to assume they heard everything……everything.  It’s a small room filled with tiles and not much acoustic dampening.  Don’t expect any applause for your porcelain concerto when you get out.  More likely than not, you’ll be avoiding eye contact with people in those offices and taking a walk of shame back to your cube.

2) Similarly, since it’s only a one person bathroom, people can usually dedeuce (GET IT, GET IT??) who’s in there if they have to go and door is locked.  So just like before, when you leave your unspeakable stink in the room, people are gonna know who did it.  Judgment galore!

3) The one benefit though, is if you know the people you work with well enough, you can go in there and just carpet bomb the toilet like you’re looking for oil. Because at the end of the day they may give you flak for it, but you’ll have left that bathroom knowing someone has to go into that bathroom after you, god bless his/her soul, and there is not a stinkier revenge than that.

Hit the jump for Pooping Pro Tips!

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Flirtmoji’s, Sexting Redefined

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In the fast paceed world of today, it’s no wonder the phone sex sessions of yesteryear have fallen to the wayside.  To the horny individual on the go, sexting has become a huge way to show your significant other or bootycall just exactly what you want, without having to use any words!  However, what happens if those emojis get misconstrued?? I mean The English Guard and an Airplane? Does she want to elope in England? Does she want to do some English Roleplay?  Does she want you to give her a British Airliner (not recommended for amateurs in the bedroom)?  Well Flirtmoji’s are here to clear up any confusion that may arise.  Want to try some bondage? Boom, fuzzy handcuffs and a leather strapped suit.   Just some regular P in V? There’s about 30 different dick icons to use.  Want a gerbil in ya bum?  Bingo Bango, Gerbil in a condom emoji.  Apparently there’s some free ones, some paid one.  But whatever you choose to get, just let it be known you’ll be making your point clear to anyone and everyone.

Hit the jump for a few more flirtmojis you want to see and even more you don’t.

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A Tax on Bunny Rabbits

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The lifelong struggle and conflict that exists between robots and bunny rabbits is all too real. Riotsquad artist Nathanial Akin has given us the short film “A Tax on Bunny Rabbits” which chronicles this ongoing battle. How will it all end? lasers and blood or fluff and bunny love?

Hit the jump for epic war

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Ferret Fail

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It sucks being an animal this day and age.  Every owner has a smart phone, and each one of those smart phones is equipped with a video camera that will inevitably catch you doing something stupid.  This is a phenomena mainly noticed with cats and dogs.  But now ferrets are getting into the game and I’m sure they’re upset about it.  I mean watching this video it almost seemed like this ferret didn’t even want to jump! Hell half way through he runs away from the ledge and curls up into a ball where he looks super comfortable.  But his owner eggs him on, and lo and behold he ends up borking the jump badly.  Ferret, in the immortal words of Linkin Park, You tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.  And don’t get me started on the guy.  Egging on a poor ferret, that god awful laugh of his at the end.  It’s almost like he made a 30 second long “please hate me” video.

Hit the jump to see a poor poor ferret fail

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Let’s Play : Price is Right

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Corey is a simple man. He likes his beer cold, he likes his girls hot, but unlike most of the common folk, Corey has never seen a hammock in his life.  It seems as though to Corey, hammocks are made of a space age polymer stretched between a carbon fiber piece of metal.  Because there is no way in hell a hammock would ever cost more than a few hundred dollars unless it came with a free hooker for a day to have hammock sexy times with.  And admittedly I’m not one to every enjoy comments from the peanut gallery, but in this video is works.  Corey, What the fuck?? I mean seriously…..

Hit the jump for awful Price Is Right playing

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This Is My Product

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Matthijs Vlot has created an epic compilation of clips from the AMC series Breaking Bad to create a song called “This Is My Product”. Anything and everything Breaking Bad I love, and this is an exceptional fan made piece of work. Hopefully it goes up on iTunes soon so I can rock it during my commute.

Hit the jump for product

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The Human Show

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In the bizarre world depicted in this short, the muppets run the show. The Human Show is what the muppets put on using human corpses, get it? How cute, right? Well this has really opened my eyes to the inhumane way we treat muppets, time to rally all the activists to fight for my cause! Who’s with me?….anyone? Bueller?

Hit the jump for the show

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Sailors in Your Mouth

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Ok this is the last Thanksgiving post I promise. Unless I find another one I really like! The National, which is an excellent band, brings us “Sailors in Your Mouth” featuring the Bob’s Burgers cast. I never would have thought the combination of these two would be so amazing, but that’s why I just look for awesome stuff on the interwebs instead of creating it. I suck! Happy belated Thanksgiving!

Hit the jump sailor

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